Numb
by slytherin seeker
Summary: Draco is tired of being what Lucius wants him to be. Draco wants to be the person be was meant to be. He writes down what he has thought of his father. an: I don't own anything.


**_Numb_**

_'I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless lost under the surface'_

Father, I'm sick and tired of being told what to do and how to live my life. I'm tired of following your orders, I'm not going to be Death Eater and nothing you say will change my mind. I can't be what you want me to be, you can beat me all you want, but it won't change me. You've made me feel like an empty shell, unable to show my emotions. I don't remember what it's like to be happy or what it's like to cry. I have no faith; my soul is lost in a world of darkness you created.

_'Don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.'_

Father, I don't know what you expected from me but I cannot fulfill you're expectations. You expected me to become a Death Eater like you and follow Voldemort, to hate muggle-borns and half-bloods. Now I realize blood doesn't matter, there are other things that make a wizard great, much more. You put pressure on me to do these things, you wanted me to be just like you. Sorry to disappoint you father, but I can't walk in your shoes, I can't be you. I can only be me.

_'Every step that I take is just another mistake to you.'_

Father, it seems that every step I take to try and please you always ends up a disaster. Everything I do just ends up being a mistake. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to please you. Every time I take a step to please you, the life I really want falls deeper into the darkness that surrounds me.

_'I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

_I've become so tired so much more aware.'_

Father, when I come home for the summer, I see you everyday but yet I can't feel your presence. You've made me hate you so much that I become numb around you. I can't feel you, it's like your not there at all. You've never been there when I needed your help; if I were hurt you'd just push me away. You never actually loved me, all you wanted was an heir not a son. I became aware of you hatred for me after my first year at Hogwarts. I was punished because I never earned the highest marks. You were always disappointed in me, never once were you proud. I'm tired of being you; I'm not you and will never be you.

_'I'm becoming this all I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you.'_

Father, I started at one point in my life to become you, but that's not what I wanted. I want to be the person I was meant to be, not the one you wanted. The person you made me become is not me and will never actually be me. When I'm at school, they don't know me. They know you or the person you created me to be. You've molded me into you but all I really want is to be more like me and less like you.

_'Can't you see that you're smothering me_

_Holding to tightly afraid to lose control.'_

Father, can't you see that what you're doing smothering me, you won't let me breathe. I feel like I'm some animal on a leach with you holding me back. Always making sure I don't stray to far away. You/re afraid that you'll lose control over me but you are losing. I'm finally breaking free of the strong hold you have on my life and you're losing forever.

_'Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you.'_

Father, you wanted me to be perfect so much that I actually stared to become what you wanted. But now everything you wanted me to be is falling apart right in front of your eyes. You're losing control over me and next year I'll be seventeen, an adult. You can't tell me what to do anymore. You might as well give up because I'll never be what you want me to be.

_'Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_And every second I waste is more than I can take.'_

Father, I can't seem to make you proud of me. It seems that everything I do is a mistake and I end up getting punished. You never gave me a chance to be myself or do what I wanted to do. You just want me to be like you and that's some thing that I can no longer do for you. I'm going to be me no matter what you say or how much you beat me, it's not happening. It seems every second I waste trying to please you is more than my soul can take. I can't take this anymore; if I keep going on this path you set before me. I will be lost forever and I don't want that.

_'And I know_

_I may end up failing too.'_

Father, you failed, I will never be what you want and there's nothing you can do. So give up. You can't force to be someone or into a life that I don't want. I refuse to be a Death Eater, I refuse to be evil, and I will join the Order, and if I want to go out with Harry Potter I will. Yes father, I'm in love with Harry Potter. I know I many fail sometime in my life but at least I'll be happy in the end. I want to be a Quidditch player and that's what I'm going to be. If I fail, I fail; I don't care about what you think. I'm going to do what makes me happy.

_'But I know_

_You were just me with some one disappointed in you.'_

Father, you don't know that I know this but you were just like me when you were young. You didn't want to a Death Eater but your father force you. Now you are doing forcing me to the same. You want me to become the thing you never wanted. Is this revenge against your father because guess what father I'm not him, he's dead. He died a long time ago. Forcing me to become a Death Eater will not change anything. I know you're disappointed in me but grandfather was disappointed in you too.

_'I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be.'_

Father, I can no longer feel you around me, I've stopped caring about you. I 'don't can what you think of this, I really don't. I'll be happier if you stop caring about me, not that you cared about me in the first place. I'm tired being what you want me to be. I'm tired of being beaten and raped because I didn't please or do something the way you wanted. I'll be myself no matter you say or do to me. I always thought you cared about me and that what you did was for my own good but I was wrong. The only person you ever cared about was yourself.

_"I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be.'_

a/n: Please, please reveiw.

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